I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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