Do you still have your period?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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