I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
