i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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