so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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