i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
