You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize