Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
