Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
