So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
