hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
