she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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