i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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