i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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