just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think your dad took our porno
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
