i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
