Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
