i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
