I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize