got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
