My first STD was from a foam party
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
