hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
