I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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