I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sober January is a disaster.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
