She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
