He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
