You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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