they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
