i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
