I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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