Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
