he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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