Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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