Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
