i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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