Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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