Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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