Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
