do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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