he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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