wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
