u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
