Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
