Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i now understand why vodka
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
