CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Boobs are out for the taking
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
