Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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