Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have post one night stand depression
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