were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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