Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
