we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize