You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
