So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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