So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
