I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize