I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
