ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
only you would photoshop your dick
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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