i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize