Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
