He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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