Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think my moral compass just broke
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