New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize