Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
