we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
