i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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