Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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