my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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