apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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