I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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