I heard we made out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
