Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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