tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
