Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
