if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
