so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
